learning to rest
we all have parts of life we are better at and others we struggle with. with the insight of age (ugh!) i have started to see that i don't rest well.
there is a healthy balance we all need to maintain between activity and inactivity, between stress overload and complete boredom.
jesus said, "come to me all who are weary and i will give you rest...you will find rest for your soul". rest is something i strongly believe in, passionately defend, and vehemently argue on behalf of...but i have no idea how to do. the last couple years i have been blessed with these amazing pockets of time to rest...and i think i "bomb and bomb big "(tom cruise, a few good men). it may be the area of my poorest stewardship regarding the gifts and blessings of god.
do i only know how to relate to my god on a gut-wrenching level? i believe much of the peace in my life right now is god rewarding past commitments and decisions i have made (marriage, money, job, baby). i don't say that arrogantly, for it is only the supernatural miracle of my god that i was able to fumble my way through darker times of critical choice. but, i am reaping what i have sown...in a good way..."sow the wind, reap the whirlwind" (proverbs,...and emilio estevez as billy the kid in young guns!). so, now i have a whirlwind of blesssings...and i don't know what to do with that. how do you stay faithful when it's easy?
even as i write that, it seems like a joke! there is so much about life that is not easy (see previous post about labour!). our neighbourhood is tough, real tough, in many ways. probably tougher than we will let on...because we don't want you to worry, moms! and grown up relationships are tough, and being financially responsible is tough, and loving others like christ is tough, and putting your life and actions where your passion and mouth are is tough. but what do you do once you find peace in the midst of the storm of your life? it's like this illusive goal you want to believe in, but deep down are afraid that maybe it's just a fairy tale, so you keep following your treasure map, then all of a sudden there it is. now what? national treasure, indiana jones, stupid sahara (starring my boyfriend matthew mcconaughey...it sucked!)...none of them show how someone who has been consumed with a treasure hunt for years of their life responds once they find it. well, i guess indy always finds another treasure to hunt...no comments allowed about the urban myth of the 4th movie...i know, "but it was on relevant's website". don't believe the hype!
maybe that's it, finding another treasure to hunt. maybe i need to hunt rest? is that an oxymoron?
what sucks is the foreknowledge that it is a "season" of rest. that sounds so spiritual. what i mean is, i know it is coming to an end. not in a broader sesne of the circle of life, cycles, etc. but literally, by the calendar...vacation has an end, summer has an end, christmas break has an end...and the end of this season is approaching....quickly.
i want to be with god without the drama, without the hype; in the calm that can only come on the other side chaos, in the joy that can only come after intense sorrow, in the peace that can only come on the other side of battle, in the bird-chirping dawn that only comes after the terror by night, in the intimacy that can only come on the other side of conflict, in the deep breathing that can only come after suffocation...in the resurrection that only comes after death; i want to know christ, in his death, in the fellowship of his suffering.
is the true test of my faith how i respond when it's easy? i have learned well the lesson of clinging to god in times of desperation, brokenness, pain, confusion...but don't know how to cling to him without those. is it the same thing the church struggles with now? the spriritual explosion is occurring where there is the most intense persecution, but here in the west...well, pretty pathetic by jesus' standards.
how do we find the balance between breaking points and apathy? how do you "be with god" when not driven to your knees by exterior circumstance?
i have been meditating on psalm 91 for the last couple months. verse one is this:
"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty."
it is so poetic and beautiful...and i have no idea what it means. i am figuring out that if i want to rest in the shadow of the almighty (which sounds darn good and like exactly what i am looking for!) then i need to dwell in the shelter of the most high...now to just have any clue as to how a person actually does that. like when i wake up in the morning and am like "what am i doing today, what do i need to do today? oh, i do need to dwell in the shelter of the most high...i will do that right after breakfast"
god, how do i dwll in the shelter of the most high?
has anyone else figured this out yet? no spiritual cheese allowed!
there is a healthy balance we all need to maintain between activity and inactivity, between stress overload and complete boredom.
jesus said, "come to me all who are weary and i will give you rest...you will find rest for your soul". rest is something i strongly believe in, passionately defend, and vehemently argue on behalf of...but i have no idea how to do. the last couple years i have been blessed with these amazing pockets of time to rest...and i think i "bomb and bomb big "(tom cruise, a few good men). it may be the area of my poorest stewardship regarding the gifts and blessings of god.
do i only know how to relate to my god on a gut-wrenching level? i believe much of the peace in my life right now is god rewarding past commitments and decisions i have made (marriage, money, job, baby). i don't say that arrogantly, for it is only the supernatural miracle of my god that i was able to fumble my way through darker times of critical choice. but, i am reaping what i have sown...in a good way..."sow the wind, reap the whirlwind" (proverbs,...and emilio estevez as billy the kid in young guns!). so, now i have a whirlwind of blesssings...and i don't know what to do with that. how do you stay faithful when it's easy?
even as i write that, it seems like a joke! there is so much about life that is not easy (see previous post about labour!). our neighbourhood is tough, real tough, in many ways. probably tougher than we will let on...because we don't want you to worry, moms! and grown up relationships are tough, and being financially responsible is tough, and loving others like christ is tough, and putting your life and actions where your passion and mouth are is tough. but what do you do once you find peace in the midst of the storm of your life? it's like this illusive goal you want to believe in, but deep down are afraid that maybe it's just a fairy tale, so you keep following your treasure map, then all of a sudden there it is. now what? national treasure, indiana jones, stupid sahara (starring my boyfriend matthew mcconaughey...it sucked!)...none of them show how someone who has been consumed with a treasure hunt for years of their life responds once they find it. well, i guess indy always finds another treasure to hunt...no comments allowed about the urban myth of the 4th movie...i know, "but it was on relevant's website". don't believe the hype!
maybe that's it, finding another treasure to hunt. maybe i need to hunt rest? is that an oxymoron?
what sucks is the foreknowledge that it is a "season" of rest. that sounds so spiritual. what i mean is, i know it is coming to an end. not in a broader sesne of the circle of life, cycles, etc. but literally, by the calendar...vacation has an end, summer has an end, christmas break has an end...and the end of this season is approaching....quickly.
i want to be with god without the drama, without the hype; in the calm that can only come on the other side chaos, in the joy that can only come after intense sorrow, in the peace that can only come on the other side of battle, in the bird-chirping dawn that only comes after the terror by night, in the intimacy that can only come on the other side of conflict, in the deep breathing that can only come after suffocation...in the resurrection that only comes after death; i want to know christ, in his death, in the fellowship of his suffering.
is the true test of my faith how i respond when it's easy? i have learned well the lesson of clinging to god in times of desperation, brokenness, pain, confusion...but don't know how to cling to him without those. is it the same thing the church struggles with now? the spriritual explosion is occurring where there is the most intense persecution, but here in the west...well, pretty pathetic by jesus' standards.
how do we find the balance between breaking points and apathy? how do you "be with god" when not driven to your knees by exterior circumstance?
i have been meditating on psalm 91 for the last couple months. verse one is this:
"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty."
it is so poetic and beautiful...and i have no idea what it means. i am figuring out that if i want to rest in the shadow of the almighty (which sounds darn good and like exactly what i am looking for!) then i need to dwell in the shelter of the most high...now to just have any clue as to how a person actually does that. like when i wake up in the morning and am like "what am i doing today, what do i need to do today? oh, i do need to dwell in the shelter of the most high...i will do that right after breakfast"
god, how do i dwll in the shelter of the most high?
has anyone else figured this out yet? no spiritual cheese allowed!
posted by jamie at 2:14 AM
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